Let fate decide its course…..

This morning my sister called me up. I never expected her to call on such an early time. Anyway, she informed me about my Dad’s condition. She started to cry the very instant she talked about my Dad’s ongoing battle with kidney and liver failure. Turns out, my Dad’s organs are now failing him. Even worst, was that he was bleeding from the inside as we speak.

She narrated how she tried to talk to my Dad at the hospital where he was confined. Apparently, part of having your kidneys and liver fail would also mean that you start losing your memory.

My Dad couldn’t even remember my sister’s name anymore. She tried to talk some sense into him, but the conversation between them ended up in a different sort of direction.

She said that the doctors told her that my Dad’s condition had worsened. It didn’t seem like there’s any more hope left for him. I gave my sister some inspiring words about not to think too much about the whole ordeal. Especially, if she’s pregnant with her third child, she doesn’t need this kind of stress right now.

We knew how this happened. But, sadly we weren’t there to guide him. To tell him that things aren’t what they’re supposed to be. His inner demons have taunted him for years. He needed a way out. There wasn’t any that could help him deal with what he’s going through. Countless times I have told him to deal with those “demons.”

It’s either you face them, or let them swallow you till you fall from grace.

He choose to have them swallow him.  He thought he could manage, but he thought wrong.

We ended our conversation, and for a moment I was left without anything else to say. It’s like time suddenly stopped to see what I have to say about the whole situation.

I have nothing to say about the whole thing right now, I know he’s out there in the other side of the world fighting for his life right this moment. While, I’m here on the other side, trying to motivate some semblance of my life to go on living. 

I’m preparing for the worst. I don’t even want to go there not just yet. No, I’m a stubborn person for thinking such a thing. But, again those signs point toward that way.

Whatever the outcome….I guess fate decides how it must be played…

Maybe this song best explains on what I should have told my Dad back then.

“Stuck in a Moment” 

I’m not afraid
Of anything in this world
There’s nothing you can throw at me
That I haven’t already heard
I’m just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling, look at you. Ooh.
You gotta stand up straight, carry your own weight
‘Cause tears are going nowhere baby

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And now you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

You are such a fool
To worry like you do.. Oh
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now
My, oh my

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Oh lord look at you now
You’ve got yourself stuck in a moment
And you cant gt out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm ’til you discover how deep
I wasn’t jumping, for me it was a fall
It’s a long way down to nothing at all

You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it
Don’t say that later will be better
Now you’re stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won’t last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It’s just a moment
This time will pass…..

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~ by roadworthyman on February 13, 2008.

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